Saturday, 28 September 2013

Day 7 - What is BPD/A&APD? (To me)

Ok, let's start with BPD.
BPD stands for borderline personality disorder. It is also known as emotionally unstable personality disorder.
It means:
- I feel emotions very intensely, more than the average "normal" person.
- My emotions change very rapidly, like someone's flicking a light switch off and there's no warning sign. 
This diagram is my way of showing you what a day with BPD is like compared to a day without. The blue is with, the orange is without. The dotted lines show the limits of normal emotional intensity. BPD often goes way past those lines, or at least reaches the maximum within them. 
- Because my emotions are so intense, most of my actions tend to be emotional responses.
- Impulsiveness and compulsiveness happen A LOT. I may do something impulsively and then regret it, or I may feel a compulsion to do something, not necessarily a bad thing, but I may feel I have to tidy up right now, and there's no choice, it has to be right now.
- I often jump to conclusions that people's bad moods are because of something I have done that I am unaware of.
- I find maintaining any form of relationship difficult sometimes, trusting is difficult, and I worry that people are only pretending to care. 
- It also often makes my thoughts race so fast I cannot identify what they actually are, this can be paralysing and make me appear very spaced out, or it can make me very agitated and fidgety.

And A&APD? It stands for Anxious and Avoidant Personality disorder. It's basically what it says on the tin, but ill spell it out for you anyway.
It means:
- most things make me anxious. Speaking to people. Using the telephone other than texting. Leaving the house. Large groups of people. Social Situations. Places I cant leave at he drop of a hat (or feel I couldn't if I needed to). And more. Fun I know.
- I tend to avoid things that make me anxious. 
- When no avoiding them I can have panic attacks, or it can make my BPD symptoms l,e racing thoughts worse, or I may just impulsively run away. 

I hope this helps you understand a little more. :)

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