Wednesday, 19 March 2014


So this is my first post into lent, and for those of you who don't know, I'm giving up believing lies. There are so many lies we believe, more than I realised! And believing lies is just as destructive as telling them, in fact I think it is telling them, but telling them to yourself. The fact is, that if we knew God well enough, dwelt in his presence enough, became more and more like him, we wouldn't believe lies anymore. Anyway, getting off the point! 

The lie I want to write about today is "worry will somehow change this." Now hear me out, I know when I first thought about this I immediately thought "thats not true, I don't believe that." But my life tells quite a different story, because if I really believed that I wouldn't be worrying. For me worry is a big thing, its a big part of my illness too, I worry in excess. Don't hear me wrong, my illness is not an excuse to worry, its a fact - I worry, my illness probably partly stems from that amongst other things, but I don't belong to my illness or to worry, I belong to God. 

Logically, rationally, I know that worrying more and more will not change the outcome, but does that stop me? No! I still worry myself silly, which is essentially destructive. It has no positives. We worry about different kinds of things. We worry about external things - money, jobs, enough food, somewhere to live. We worry about internal things - being healthy, doing the right thing, making correct decisions for the future. We worry about how we are viewed by people - am I to fat/thin/tall/short etc, am I kind enough, do people like me? When I say we, I am generalising based on myself and people around me, if none of these apply to you, please get in touch and tell me all your secrets!!! (Im joking, because i know your secret, its God's love through Jesus death on a cross).

I worry without thinking, thats one of the difficulties with this lie, is that its not conscious. I don't spin a tombola with all areas of my life in, pick one and worry about it, hoping it will change. That would be silly, although I LOVE TOMBOLAS. I will do more posts on the different areas of worry I mentioned above when I work on them. But first, if I really want to stop worrying, I need to observe what I worry about, so I aim to write everything I worry about down, and then attempt to stop.

My plan of attack on worry, is to use something that does change things instead. Yes I do mean prayer! Isn't it exciting, the prospect that there is something that can change the things you are worrying about, or change your attitude towards it. We can talk to the magnificent creator of the world, about all our worries, from "what if i burn my toast?" to "what if I never get better?"

I don't expect you to join me in listing your worries and praying through them, but if you want to go ahead. But there may be something worrying you now, the best thing I can think of to do with that worry is take it to God. Also, try and only deal with today, another thing that will help keep worry under control, and straight from the bible. 

"Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble." - Matthew 6:34 

Wednesday, 5 March 2014

Lent, lies and truth.

So, yesterday was shrove tuesday, or more commonly known as pancake day. This means today is the start of Lent. So most people will of (if taking part at all) given up something they like or love. This is often done, in my experience of my own lent attempts, to prove I can, whether that be to myself of God or others. A few years back someone explained to me that lent was meant so you could draw closer to God, so that year I gave up cake, and when I wanted cake, I tried to think of God. However, at this time, it was not really for God that I was giving up cake, it didn't lead me closer to God, it probably lead me deeper into my eating disorder, with Lent as an excuse. There have been times where I've tried to read my bible daily in lent, which I also try and do the rest of the time. I wasn't doing lent right, and somehow I new it, but I didn't know what I was meant to do most of the time. There were times I knew what I should give up, but I decided not too, for fear of failing, for fear of it being too difficult. 

This year I'm giving up believing lies for lent and I will be replacing them with truth from God. These lies may be about myself, others or the world. We lie or believe lies a lot more than we realise, but the bible says that "Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free" (John 8:32). Im tired of giving things up that make no lasting difference in my relationship with God, things that I don't even remember a year later, or their impact. This isn't limited to lent, I have no intention that when lent is over I go back to believing all the lies I believe now, I intend for this to be ongoing. And that each year Lent will remind me of the freedom the truth should be bringing to my life, and mind me to search out the lies in my life and replace them with truth. 

Im not under the illusion that this will be easy, there are lies Ive believed my entire life, and 19 years worth of believing it isn't going to change overnight, but it is what God has asked me to work through with him. Now matter how hard it is, eventually, the truths will penetrate my heart and mind, and the lies will be gone. This lent is going to be difficult, but by no means am I doing it alone, God will be with me, and I have asked some close friends who are around me a lot to support me in this. This will be the first real lent, the first lent that will draw me nearer to my daddy, and it may be a struggle but what is more worthwhile than getting closer to the one who cares for you and loves you more than anyone else. I enter this lent excited and nervous, and I will be sharing some of my journey on here, so feel free to follow along.

I am also doing 40 acts, and if you want to know more about that I suggest you google it :)

I hope and pray this lent also draws you closer to your daddy, and more into truth and freedom.